With every adoption story, there is also a story of loss

I am not sure I will be able to put my thought and emotions on paper, but here it goes:

Last Thursday evening as I sat down late to glance through B's birth records, I was overcome with grief for both B and his maternal mother and grandmother.
I was filled with joy just hours before as we signed the adoption petition, but I hurt for B's mom. Matt and I believe strongly that she loves B and cares for B. She always desired what was best for him; this was very evident in meetings we had. She was keenly aware of her current situation and knew she could not even care for herself at the moment. B's mom is struggling to survive. I cant even imagine the emotions she has experienced since April of this year when her rights as a parent were taken away from her.

We have had very little contact with B's mother or gmother since April because B's mother changes her phone number often. We were provided with a number yesterday for the gmother and Matt and I will reach out to her. I am not sure what I will say or how the conversation will go, but I just want her to know that we care.  I am not even sure they are aware B is about to be adopted. I do not plan on bringing it up unless she asks. The gmother's 9 children are in state custody as well. B has an "uncle" that is only a month older than him and B may have a baby brother/sister due any day. Matt and I desire to at least stay in touch so that one day B might be able to be in relationship with his biological family.

B being 19 months does not understand what is taking place. In his little mind, I am his "mommmeeeeee" and Matt is his "daddddyyyyyy." (He just started drawing our names out this week.)
Between us and the Gaskins, we are his family.  It is all he has known. But one day, he will have questions. He will grieve over the loss of a mother he never knew on a deep level. He will feel loss and pain for something he was never able to experience with his biological family. He will struggle to understand why his mother was unable to care for him and to rise above her situation at the young age of 17.
Matt and I are fully aware of issues we may face in the future, but we also know this is part of God's plan. No, we are not prepared to handle every issue that may arise, but we have faith God will give us the strength to push through. We will pray now for these issues and pray for God's grace to be evident to B as he grows older. We want him to see Jesus through all of this and to see how adoption is a perfect picture of the Gospel.

So as Monday approaches, know that Matt and I are truly excited to introduce B to the world as our son, but also know that we are grieving for B and for his mother. We love B unconditionally. We love his mother unconditionally, and we pray she experiences Jesus on an intimate level.  Pray for opportunities in the future for us or any believer to share and show her the Gospel.

I attempted to share from by heart and I hope that is evident. I did not convey my feelings and emotions very well, but hopefully the intent of this post is wrapped up in it somewhere.
We do look forward to Monday when we celebrate with friends/family to make Bs adoption official in front of a Judge.