People (Birth Mothers) Matter

The business/organization Sevenly (sevenly.org) has a slogan "People Matter", and I couldn't agree more. No matter who you are, where you came from or where you are going, scripture and the Gospel tells us you matter.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Tiffany and I were sitting around while the kids napped. I had thought about our kid's birth mothers that morning. Even though they don't have custody of their kids, they are still mothers, and it was Mother's Day. I got a text. It was from one of our kids birth mother. She said she needed help ASAP, and wanted us to call her. So Tiffany called her to see what was up. The short story of it was she had been laid off, lost her apartment, and basically been living on the streets for 2 weeks. We had a situation, and had to decide how to respond. We asked her if she could meet us around Cafe Eclectic because that is where we were going to be for our Gathering on Sunday night between 5:00 and 7:00. She said she would.

As soon as our Gathering was over, Tiffany went to pick her up. We told her we would find a place for her to stay for the night. We were now on a mission to find something for her. Not just a place to stay for the night, but something that would help her get back on her feet. After a lot of searching, phone calls and texts, it was late. We decided to let her stay the night at our house. A few people offered, and were gracious enough to let her stay, but we just couldn't do it. This morning, Tiffany took her to talk to some people to find a solution. Again, after many calls and texts, Youth Villages is going to do what they can to help her out.

I can't imagine the guts it took to reach out to us for help. Imagine you just turned 20 years old, you have only had one child, and they were adopted. You have for the most part been on your own since you were 14 because you are the oldest of 10 siblings. You helped take care of your brothers and sisters since you can remember, but you don't know how to take care of yourself. I am sure we were the last people she wanted to call for help, but I am glad she did. You see, the reason we wanted to do foster care, instead of private adoption, is because we wanted a chance to invest in the birth mothers also, not just our kids. I saw my wife step up in a way that blew me away. The amount of love she has for others, is untouchable. Our child's birth mother is at such a vulnerable point in her life. She could make it on her own the only way she has ever seen it done, but she is choosing to try to do it the right way, and we are proud of her. She is a product of her environment at pretty much no fault of her own.

In the last 24 hours, I have seen Tiffany LIVING out the Gospel. We want to be able to tell our kids one day that when their birth mothers needed help, we were there for them, and not that we turned our backs on them. But, ultimately we wanted to help because that is what the Bible tells us to do: Love Your Neighbor. Please keep her in your prayers, she has a long road ahead, but she is willing to give it a try.

Matt

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This verse, although used commonly, is what Matt and I are clinging to at the moment for our family. Never would I have imagined myself beginning my pharmacist career at Med Communications in July of this year to be starting a new job on Monday, November 4th. I am thankful and grateful to have had the opportunity to be a part of the Med Communications team if even for a short time.

Unexpectedly and unsolicited, I was approached with an opportunity to join the St. Jude pharmacy department as a clinical staff pharmacist. How humbling this was for me as a newly graduated pharmacist. St Jude is where my heart and my passion is. I spent countless hours during my clinical months in school at St. Jude and fell in love with the patients, the common uniting purpose, and the atmosphere.

I applied for a position at St. Jude towards the end of pharmacy school but the timing was not right. I never would have imagined, a few months later, I would be sought out for this awesome opportunity. I am excited and grateful to be pursing this incredible opportunity in God's timing and not my own.
The decision was not easy and any other opportunity, I probably would have said "thanks, but no thanks," because the company I currently work for is doing some cool/unique things and I have established some great relationships. 

Matt and I are both pretty convinced that this opportunity is from the Lord, and we are pursuing the opportunity as obedience. Matt put it very clearly to me one evening and he was so right. If St. Jude had not pursued me, but I knew the position was open, I probably would not have applied. The Lord knew that I would need to be pursued to get my attention in order to even consider and seriously think about changing jobs after a few short months at my current job. To be transparent, I do not do well with change. I actually have fear and anxiety around change. In addition, I have an achiever mentality and am a people pleaser. I do not like to let others down or not meet their expectations. I know this is my sin nature coming out, but I also know their is freedom in Christ for all of these. I am not here on this earth to please man, but to bring glory and honor to my Father in heaven.
I have had a tough time emotionally these past few weeks and have had a hard time processing all of the "hard conversations" that had to be had with my current employer. Also, leaving behind relationships that I have been intentional about building has been difficult to process as well. I hope the relationships I have established will continue after me leaving MedComm.

Although bitter sweet in so many ways, I wanted to share publicly our exciting news. I really am looking forward to my time at St. Jude. I know God will honor our faithfulness and have no doubt I will have even more opportunities to build relationships with families of patients as well as co-workers.
So excited to see how God works as I transition into a new place.

Court date for C

On Thursday, Matt took little bit to court for her re-hearing from an adjudication hearing in May. The day WAS NOT dramatic, which we are always grateful for. We do not take these kind of days for Granted. It is the little things in fostering that are huge victories sometimes. 

Lil bit's attorney and the biological mother's attorney was there as well as her caseworker. 

Cs attorney went into the court room and asked for the current appeal to be dropped so that TPR could be pursued. The judge agreed and mother's attorney did not object. 

Matt did not even have to go into

The court room. Some may view it as a waste of time, but we choose to see it as a blessing in disguise. Things get messy and dramatic in the court room at times. 

DCS is responsible for moving things along to TPR. We are not sure what the timeline looks like from here, but as I stated in previous post, Matt and I are thankful for progress being made. 

C was suppose to have a visit with her

Mom that afternoon but because her mom did not show up for court and we were down To one car (Matt planned to

Pick me up from work), her caseworker called and cancelled the visit for us. 

Please just continue to pray for C as well as her mother. 

God is in control whatever the future may hold. 

Thankful for a protective Father

My 2002 White Chevy Cavalier has been a reliable car for about 9 years. My parents bought it for me when I turned 16. Regardless of the 200K miles, a huge dent in the hood, and a missing hub cap, it got me from point A to point B with never much money ever invested into the car other than new tires. For that, I am grateful.

Wednesday evening at about 5:30 pm, I was driving home on the interstate from running an errand after work. Right at the Sycamore View exit, cars in front of me started throwing on their breaks for no noticeable reason coming to nearly a complete stop. I, thankfully, was able to slam on my breaks quick enough not to hit the car in front of me but it was a close call. Immediately, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a LARGE vehicle coming at me that was not slowing down. I braced myself for the collision. I had my seat belt on so it only made my head jerk forward and then back against the head rest. It was enough of an impact that it through my sunglasses off my face onto the dashboard.

It was only a 2 car collision with only 2 people involved. We moved to the shoulder of interstate and waited for the police to arrive to write a report. Other driver had insurance and was extremely kind. She felt horrible and knew it was her fault but claimed there was nothing she could do in time. Neither one of us was hurt significantly. I have some whip lash in my neck and headaches but I am good. The wreck could have been much worse with much more people/cars involved so I know God was protecting me.

I knew by looking at my car that it was not salvagable. Several people have asked if I am sad about my first and only car being totaled, and I am really not. Matt and I have needed two new cars but had agreed we would drive both until a new car was absolutely needed. And now may be the time....

The other driver's insurance has been extremely kind and helpful and very cooperative. I was in a rental by Friday morning and Matt dropped the cavalier off at a car shop to determine the extent of the damage. We are pretty certain the car will be deemed "totaled."  According to Kelly blue book, my car is only worth between $750-1500. The damage to the car is pretty extensive; although still drivable. 

We have looked briefly online and went to a few car dealerships Saturday morning. We are not in a rush and would love to find "the perfect deal." If you know anyone saleing a vehicle with a third row, low miles, reasonably priced, please keep us in mind. 

Legally no longer a family of TWO

Many of you reading this blog are well aware that on Monday of this week, August 19th, Brayden Alexander Bailey was adopted into our family and became Brayden Matthew Nason. It was a celebration day for sure.

We arrived at 9 am at Chancellor's Court downtown and within an hour, it was complete.
Matt and I were sworn in followed by each of us taking the stand and answering questions from Attorney Weaver. The Judge listened intently and at the end he made it official and came off of his stand to take numerous pictures. It literally happened within 5-10 minutes, but I made sure to take it all in. It is an experience I will never forget. 

The day was made extra special by our numerous "witnesses" in the court room as B became a Nason. The Parrish, Nason, Lemonds, Gaskins, Leatherwood, and Longserre families were all represented. I am extremely grateful to everyone who made Monday an extra special day for Matt and I. The unending FaceBook messages, posts, comments, phone calls, texts, etc. were extremely humbling. Matt and I only pray that no one praises the two of us for what transpired. We truly desire for our Father to get the unending glory and praise for what took place and the journey that is to come. 

Thank you to the many people who documented the day with picture taking! B will not remember it, but he sure did look cute and we have pictures to prove it!
A BIG SHOUT OUT to my MIL JANE who had B decked out in style all the way to his shoes.
And another HUGE SHOUT OUT to my MOM who came to Memphis by herself and spent the weekend with us to be a part of B's special day and her official Nona day.

I will save some time and just refer you to FaceBook for endless pictures of Brayden as well as his special day. 

Afterwards we went to Trolley Stop to Celebrate. I unfortunately had to return to work afterwards. Try sitting at a desk for over 4 hours with tons of adrenaline built up.....IT'S NOT EASY :)

Significance of a name BMN

• Brayden
• "broad; brave"
• Although we hope B turns out to be "brave," the meaning behind his name was not the reason we chose to keep his biological first name.
• B is now 18 months old and knows his name is Brayden. He answers to Brayden and follows commands to Brayden. It was important to us we left his first name his given name.
• By keeping his biological first name, he will always have a small piece of his biological mother with him. This was the name she chose for him and it makes it special for that very reason.
• Matthew 
• Greek form of the Hebrew name מַתִּתְיָהוּ (Mattityahu) meaning "gift of YAHWEH"
• B has been a gift to us from day one. We were first introduced to him by the Gaskins when he was two weeks old and instantly fell in love. We joked he could be ours one day (I was not on board with this theory). But now 1.5 years later, we are adopting him into our family.
• Matthew is Biblical and he was a disciple of Jesus.
• Matthew is Matt's legal name.
• Matthew was not even in our first choices for his middle name until we really started to think about the significance of it.
• Other middle names included: Alexander (biological middle name), Bailey (bio last name), Wayne (First foster family)
• In Ethiopia, the child's middle name is always the father's first name.
• Although B is not Ethiopian, we have good friends the Dunlaps who adopted from Ethiopia and their son Yohannas loves the fact his middle name is his Father's first name. He is proud of it.
• We hope B will appreciate it one day as well.
• Nason
• Hebrew name meaning "He (God) has given"
• Family name 
• Just as I was "adopted" into the Nason family when Matt and I married, I am grateful for friends and family accepting B as if I had given birth to him. He has brought joy to our family, and I am excited to be able to watch B grow in "wisdom and stature."

Progress

Today was a rescheduled court date for C. A few weeks ago Matt went to a busy overfilled court house with both children for HOURS to attempt to ratify Cs new permanency plan. No one showed up other than our case worker and Matt. Neither attorney showed nor did C's mom. The judge would not rule on anything with both attorneys gone. Needless to say, Matt and I were extremely frustrated with the lack of progress in C's case. She is now over the age of one.

The mother and alleged father have been consistently inconsistent for the last year of C's life.The case worker is ready to change her goal from return to parent or adoption to adoption only (as are we).

Today's court date was the complete opposite from a few weeks ago. Matt took only C and the court house was not near as crowded. Similarly, C's mom and her attorney did not show up. However, Matt, C's caseworker and C's attorney was present today. All had notification of the court date so the judge proceeded. 

C's case worker took the stand and answered a few questions thoroughly in regards to the mother's inconsistency. Matt said it was as if she had memorized the answers, no stumbling, no umms, just the truthful answers that was asked of her. 
Next C's attorney who we have been disappointed with time and time again, spoke up on our behalf. He had nothing but positive words to say about us as C's pre-adoptive home. He is not the best but he seems to speak up at appropriate moments so we have to give him credit and respect him for that.

The judge had no problem changing her goal to adoption with the information presented.

Upon leaving the court room today, C's attorney asked her case worker to begin working up the paper work for termination of parenteral rights (TPR).

Next Thursday we have another court date for C. This is her adjudication rehearing trial. At the last hearing in April, DCS did not have all of the details and paper work needed to find severe abuse on the mother. Severe abuse is usually grounds for moving to TPR. Be praying for the outcome of next week's court date and that it is in the best interest of C, whatever that may be.

I am just thankful today to have had progress. I did care what the outcome of today would be but more than anything, I just want progress for C's sake. We love C, and we consider her part of our family but legally she is still not a Nason. If God's plan is for her to become a Nason, then we will praise Him but we will also praise Him if God has a different plan for her. C's mother has many mental, emotional and physical health issues as well as unstable living arrangements. She loves C but she is unable to truly care for a child. Being completely honest, I know I would be overwhelmed with emotions if a judge ruled on behalf of the mother and allowed C to return to an unstable environment.

Within a week, Matt will have been at court 3 times between both kids. If that isn't commitment, I don't know what is :) Proud of my hubby and thankful for his love for B and C. 


 

With every adoption story, there is also a story of loss

I am not sure I will be able to put my thought and emotions on paper, but here it goes:

Last Thursday evening as I sat down late to glance through B's birth records, I was overcome with grief for both B and his maternal mother and grandmother.
I was filled with joy just hours before as we signed the adoption petition, but I hurt for B's mom. Matt and I believe strongly that she loves B and cares for B. She always desired what was best for him; this was very evident in meetings we had. She was keenly aware of her current situation and knew she could not even care for herself at the moment. B's mom is struggling to survive. I cant even imagine the emotions she has experienced since April of this year when her rights as a parent were taken away from her.

We have had very little contact with B's mother or gmother since April because B's mother changes her phone number often. We were provided with a number yesterday for the gmother and Matt and I will reach out to her. I am not sure what I will say or how the conversation will go, but I just want her to know that we care.  I am not even sure they are aware B is about to be adopted. I do not plan on bringing it up unless she asks. The gmother's 9 children are in state custody as well. B has an "uncle" that is only a month older than him and B may have a baby brother/sister due any day. Matt and I desire to at least stay in touch so that one day B might be able to be in relationship with his biological family.

B being 19 months does not understand what is taking place. In his little mind, I am his "mommmeeeeee" and Matt is his "daddddyyyyyy." (He just started drawing our names out this week.)
Between us and the Gaskins, we are his family.  It is all he has known. But one day, he will have questions. He will grieve over the loss of a mother he never knew on a deep level. He will feel loss and pain for something he was never able to experience with his biological family. He will struggle to understand why his mother was unable to care for him and to rise above her situation at the young age of 17.
Matt and I are fully aware of issues we may face in the future, but we also know this is part of God's plan. No, we are not prepared to handle every issue that may arise, but we have faith God will give us the strength to push through. We will pray now for these issues and pray for God's grace to be evident to B as he grows older. We want him to see Jesus through all of this and to see how adoption is a perfect picture of the Gospel.

So as Monday approaches, know that Matt and I are truly excited to introduce B to the world as our son, but also know that we are grieving for B and for his mother. We love B unconditionally. We love his mother unconditionally, and we pray she experiences Jesus on an intimate level.  Pray for opportunities in the future for us or any believer to share and show her the Gospel.

I attempted to share from by heart and I hope that is evident. I did not convey my feelings and emotions very well, but hopefully the intent of this post is wrapped up in it somewhere.
We do look forward to Monday when we celebrate with friends/family to make Bs adoption official in front of a Judge.

BUSY but a GREAT family weekend

Friday:

All of Matt's siblings and their families were able to spend some time together celebrating a wonderful wife, mother, mother-in-law, and Lolli on her birthday. Thanks to Pop we ate some yummy steaks and baked potatoes. We had salad and fresh green beans as well as Jenna's famous Wheat Thin dip.
Jane invests in so many different ways that we could never repay her for all that she does but we wanted to give her a special gift. She spends so much time outside with her babysitting kids and their moms that we decided a new swing was in order.
This swing is extra special because it is considered a hammock swing and lays completely flat. Fall weather cant get here soon enough!
To end the evening, we ate some wonderful homemade caramel pie made by Amanda.
Grateful for time spent with family!

Saturday:

We got the kids up and out of the house early to go to Shelby Farms for the "Walk me Home 5K." It is a fundraiser to raise money for the children in foster care. It was a decent turn out by the community, but we enjoyed getting our exercise in with friends.The Stiglers won a door prize for having the youngest baby in attendance. Hopefully next year Matt and I will do a little better job at promoting the walk. It does not get near enough publicity for the great cause.

After the kids went down for a nap, I went for a much needed hair cut. I have not had a hair cut since before I left for Europe in March.

Saturday evening, Matt's family as well as many close family friends came to Jane's house to celebrate Allen and his friend Brittany's college graduation.
The whole family is super proud of Allen and his determination to complete something he started. They had BBQ, baked beans and slaw: typical Memphis celebration for a Memphis graduation. There was desserts all around: strawberry cake, Costco cake, and crafty nursing themed cake for Brittany.

Sunday:

We took it easy in the morning due to a rough evening with Lil Bit. Our C was miserable to the point of not being comfortable to sleep during the night. Matt was up and down with her much of the night. I hurt for her when she doesnt feel good because she wheezes terribly even with a simple cold.

After naps, the family headed to the FedEx Forum to see Allen graduate. It was the baby's first experience at graduation and they were not a fan of having to sit still in laps. Thankful I did not make my family suffer during my own graduation.

After Allen walked, Matt and I headed to Mercy Hill for the gathering. A very fitting and appropriate message was delivered by Brad from Galatians on being adopted as God's children and being heirs to the Father. I cried through the Dunlap's adoption video as if Yohannas was my own child. It was a reminder to me that although Yohannas is ONEless, there are so many children just like him who may never experience a family.

We ended the evening with good friends and a good meal at Memphis Pizza Cafe.

Bring on the work week!

Intent to Adopt and Petition Signing

On August 8th at 5 pm we sat around a table at Attorney Kevin Weaver's office in Memphis (which I would highly recommend to anyone adopting or with plans to adopt) with C. Brown (DCS adoption specialist), K.Perry (DCS case worker) and Attorney Weaver to sign the "intent to adopt" form for DCS and petition to the courts.

KKB's (mother of B) rights of B were terminated by a judge in April of 2013. We met with an adoption specialist June of 2013 and it took until August to get to this point. The attorney office has had our petition ready for over a month but DCS has been backed up.

Matt and I were given a notebook of B's DCS records and birth records until this point. We signed quite a few documents for DCS because they require duplicate copies of many forms. We took pictures to document since B doesnt understand right now.

Matt practiced his signature for this day.

Signing the intent to adopt form.
I look so serious but it really was a happy moment :) 

Perfect Picture of Grace we do not deserve:

Next we met with Attorney Weaver and read over the petition and signed it. He is extremely personable, and a Christian man who loves Jesus and people. He genuinely wanted to know what we did and discussed C's case as well. As Matt described ONEless ministries to him and made connections with men of the Faith he respected, he was excited to be representing us.
Matt and I went to this meeting fully prepared to write a check for over $1000 for B's adoption but because of him believing in the Lord's work Matt is a part of, he graciously waived all fees other than court cost.
We were shocked, thankful, joyful, in awe, bewildered of why he would want to do this for us not even knowing us. What a perfect picture of God's grace.

I left his office with gratefulness in my heart. I couldn't think God enough for his very intentional reminder that Matt and I are right where He wants us to be.

Tentatively we are scheduled to go to court in front of a judge the morning of August 19th. Seeing B's new legal name on paper made it all so much real for me. We are going to have a son and he is a part of our forever family.